This blog was posted by a well-known wedding planner I follow, so I wanted to share it with you all!
When my husband and I got married, my now mother-in-law and I went on a dress-shopping day and had a great time. We also asked her join us as we interviewed a possible photographer. My husband is the oldest of 3 boys, so she didn't have a daughter to do all of this with -- and I was the first one to marry into the family!
I love some of the ideas suggested below and would encourage you to try one or two of them!
Mothers-in-law
unfortunately get a bad rap (for the most part) in terms of wedding planning. I
think that a lot of time the mother-in-law-to-be is just misunderstood. She
often wants to help you, but may not know how or what to help you with. Here
are ten suggestions on how to better that relationship from the beginning by
getting her involved in your wedding day plans!
1.
Many brides
do not communicate well with their mothers-in-law because they don’t want to
step on toes or are simply worried about creating a dreaded confrontation that
they’ve heard friends complain about. An easy way to go ahead and
side-step this potential problem is to open that door of communication from the
very beginning. Ask your mother-in-law about her thoughts on the engagement
parties, rehearsal dinners and other wedding-related gatherings. You can let
her know that you are interested in her thoughts and what she would love to
see. Tell her that you may not be able to incorporate all of her wishes and
ideas, but that you would love some input so that you can start planning with
everyone in mind. This will automatically make her feel like she has some
ownership and an important role in the overall wedding! (You are marrying her
son after all!) Also, consider that she may never get to really plan a wedding
if she only has one or more sons–how awesome will you make her feel including
her? (Gold stars for you, right?!)
2.
Rehearsal
Dinner Planning –
Traditionally, this evening is planned by the groom’s family, of course, but
you can make this easier on your mother-in-law by letting her know the food
plans for the wedding reception so that she does not accidentally plan any
embarrassing faux pas like duplicating the menu for the wedding day.You can
also suggest items that your fiancé has mentioned to you while planning that
she may not know about, like certain foods, layouts, or even fun touches, like
a video, photo booth or other unexpected elements. We’ve had several
mothers-in-law who we helped plan and design the welcome dinners and they were
so open and asking what the bride wanted–and what would make her happy and
delighted in the fabulous elements of the evening.
3.
Dress
Shopping –
If you are not worried about your mother-in-law seeing you in your dress before
the big day, why not invite her to a dress fitting or even take her shopping
for her own fabulous wedding day dress? You can also let her know what your
mother is wearing and the formality of your wedding so that she is prepared in
her own dress shopping. She will most likely appreciate your input and it can
provide an awesome bonding experience for you both…and your mother, too, if you
want to make it a threesome outing.
4.
Planning
Wedding-Related Parties – Allow your mother-in-law to throw you an
engagement party, shower or luncheon. She may want to reach out and show you
how much you mean to her. I wouldn’t suggest asking her if she wants to give
you a shower, but you can ask if there are any important events she had in mind
to host and that you wanted to make sure that she is included if she wants to
be. Let her tell you what she’d love to do and how she wants to help you!
5.
Putting together Favors & Welcome Bags – Many
brides have assembly ‘parties’ to put together favors, welcome bags and more.
Why not invite your mother-in-law to be part of the festivities? It’s another
opportunity for you to bond with her, and have fun in the process!
6.
Invite her to Some Appointments – Invite
your mother-in-law to some of your planning appointments (within reason). You
may not want to relinquish control in certain areas, so choose carefully. Once
you open a door, it’s very hard to close it. So I would suggest inviting her to
appointments like the food or cake tastings to sample items that you’ve already
selected and you are just narrowing down. Several of our clients have taken us
up on the idea of inviting the in-laws to these tastings and their parents just
went wild, and they were so appreciative that they were even considered!
7.
Something Old – If you don’t have a sentimental
something from your side of the family to wear on your wedding day, why not ask
your mother-in-law-to-be if she has something sentimental that she would like
you to wear during the wedding to incorporate and honor her family into the
festivities? We had one beautiful bride who wore her fiance’s grandmother’s
wedding ring. She had just passed away a year earlier, and the mother-in-law
was so touched that the bride wore the beautiful family heirloom.
Thoughtfulness really does go a long way.
8.
Groom’s
Family Culture & Tradition – Ask your mother-in-law if there
are any elements in her family’s culture that are important, or if there are
any traditional aspects that their family has that you may be able to
incorporate into your wedding. You never know what kind of awesome ideas she
may give you! We had a wedding a few years ago with an Italian family on the
groom’s side. Their family tradition was for the matriarchs in the family to
bake dozens & dozens of cookies for the guests, so the bride asked her
mother-in-law if they would like to do just that. The cookies were served in
lieu of a groom’s cake and served as the guest favors. There were hundreds of
cookies represented baked with love and joy for the couple and their guests. We
also included a framed sign so that all the guests understood the importance of
these fabulous cookies!
9.
Important
Flowers –
Ask your mother-in-law if she has a favorite flower that she would like to wear
at the wedding. What if her favorite flower is a gardenia, for instance, but
her own mother wouldn’t let her have them in her wedding or they were too
expensive. We had a wedding wear this was the exact situation and the mother’s
eyes welled up with tears at this very thoughtful and intimate gesture. Trust
me, she will feel so touched and amazed that you thought so much about her to
even ask what’s important to her on your day.
10. At the Rehearsal Dinner or Wedding – If your
mother-in-law loves to talk, or is outgoing, consider asking her to give a
toast at the rehearsal dinner or wedding reception, or even better…add a part
to the wedding ceremony where your finacé’s parents have a spoken response. Of,
if she has a favorite scripture or poem (that is appropriate), consider
including it in the wedding ceremony- and let her know that you’re doing this,
or…surprise her on the wedding day! She will feel so moved!
Above all else, remember that a wedding is also a joining of two families, so
why not start off your new family on the right foot?! You’ll be so surprised at
how very little effort is needed to make your mother-in-law feel important,
loved and considered in your wedding day plans. Have fun and best wishes!
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Southern Event Planner & Designer Natalie Bradley publishes
the “Soirée Secrets” blog filled with secrets, tips and how-tos for planning
your fabulous event. Get your exclusive inspiration, tips and tricks at http://NatalieBradley.com. Soirée
by Natalie Bradley Events is an event planning and design company based in
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